Some real meaning in a post… FINALLY!
Well i missed my cutoff by 14 minutes….. (started writin this blog at 12:14 :P)
poop. anyway, this will count for yesterdays i guess. cuz i haven’t gone to bed yet hahah :p but I actually have some words that might cause some thinking in peoples brains tonight!! yay!! although its kinda really obvious information that just kind hit my brain like when you throw a wet washcloth against a wall. *one of those DUHH YOU KNOW THIS ALISON** moments. haha anyway here goes some words!!
So. As a person, I believe in the past few months I have been in a generally happier, easy-going, chill mood. Thats because I think i’ve been relaxing about the whole self-image thing. I mean yeah, I have those moments where i look in the mirror and i’m like oh god… actually, scratch that because even those thoughts have diminished in great amounts. But like i mean i’ve been being MYSELF more lately. I’m not trying to brag here, but like, its really been workin’ out for me. And I think It would work for everyone, not just me.
So like before, I would kinda go about my life, not really trying to impress people, but i totally would check myself, whether it be my attitude, or style, or looks or what music I liked, or what i believed and I’d alter it to whatever I thought the other person I wanted to be friends with liked. Yeah Yeah yeah, shallow i know. and it bit me in the ass a lot too. (For instance, once, in like 8th grade, i was trying to befriend this dude who i thought was really cute, and i was like wow he seems like he’d be into rap so i said i was into rap, which i guess i was a bit, but not really, and turns out, he was into heavy metal. he hated rap. hahah) Anyway, back then I seemed to have a hard time getting to be friends with people. I totally had friends but like, I could never relate with them. It was hard for me.
This summer, something clicked. Once again, call me slow, stupid, whatever but I just started to be myself. For those who don’t know me, I’m a hyper, loud (if i’m comfortable around you), Christian, jumpy, crazy, kinda spacey person. And like its really been awesome. I’ve made more friends I can REALLY TALK TO this summer than I have in awhile ( i know I’ve said this before :P) but like it really amazes me. How If i’m just myself, people will like that.
Another example. I’ve been talking to this girl who is not Christian. I suppose she is agnostic or atheist or whatever but she knows i’m christian. like really christian. not just like oh your christian cool go to church whatever. but anyway i was talking to her, and she said she admires my dedication and strong belief in it. I’ve gotten that from more than one person. Which, to be honest, i never thought i would EVER hear from ANYONE, none the less someone who isnt’ religious. And I got it from being ME.
Another thing, I was talking to someone really close to me, who I tend to hide my religiousness from because i’m afraid of persecution, anyway, I was feeling ballsy one day, and actually told him my opinion about something that I relate to God/Jesus/etcetera and it actually provoked thought… which i have been wanting for the longest time it seems.
Anyway, I’m just amazed by what a difference “being yourself” makes. I always thought I was myself…… But now, I kinda realize that I wasn’t because I wasn’t really happy. Like now, I’m happy. With myself. and that’s what matters. So I encourage some of you who are questioning yourselves, wondering if your really “yourself” (whatever that may mean), are you really happy? If not, start doin’ more of the stuff that really makes you happy. Soon enough you’ll be walkin’ toward the sun cuz thats what I feel like hah sorry if I seem like I’m bragging or something, but literally, I’m just so like amazed. People have been telling me they missed me. That means the world to me. I never really heard that from anyone but my parents before. Its such a great feeling. I want you guys to feel it too <3 <3 <3
by the way, this was the website that kinda provoked these thoughts. Like I knew all this was happening, but It made it more obvious
its a catholic website butttttt i think its pretty just all around christian.
Love always, Ali
PS. please pray for my friend to get this message. Its kinda like the one in this song I think. In my mind, I can picture God singing this to her…. Call me a crazy jesus freak, but hey! its true :). Thanks <3 <3